blind

A journal entry from 8.25.07

Acts 9:8a, 12, 15a, 16

"Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. In a vision he had seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight...'[to Ananias] Go! This man is my chosen instrument...I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.'"

I got to thinking--why was he made blind at the outset of his ministry? It is interesting to me, but it seems that through blindness the Lord gave a new vision...it would be a follower of Christ to restore his physical sight, but something significant happened in those 3+ days of blindness...(interesting--3 days blind and on the 3rd day Christ rose...mmmhhhh...) and the courage of Ananias is absolutely remarkable. For to go and restore his sight was definitely to risk his life, and yet the faithfulness of Ananias to go to a man considered the enemy was absolutely transformative for the Church. And Ananias was commissioned with the word "Go!" after his understandable fear and uncertainty. But he was also commissioned with a reminder of what the Lord would do in Saul's heart...the man who was persecuting Christ would now be persecuted...the one causing the Church to suffer would now be taught by Christ in a life marked by suffering.  

I wonder if this satisfied any anger in Ananias? I wonder if he felt Christ's mercy to be unjust?  Because as much as I can cognitively say there is no hierarchy of sin, practically I most times would never compare myself to Jeffrey Dalhmer any more than I would compare a newborn baby to myself. In practicality I most times don't see all sin on an even plain, but rather I see innumerable starting points--scattered people all racing to one finish line that we cannot reach. I rarely see one starting line because to do so is to equate myself with the thieves, murderers, and the bigots, and to do so often seems a gross exaggeration. 

And yet the crazy thing abut the kingdom of God is that Ananias, the one going to remove the blindness, was no different from the blind man save one thing--Ananias knew Christ and Saul did not.

When Christ spoke of the blind leading the blind, he spoke of the religious leaders groping in the dark and the masses following them, stumbling in blackness. It wasn't religion that was light, but rather Christ himself is Light. And so in this upside down kingdom, all of the sudden the tax collectors and the prostitutes were entering the kingdom of God before the religious leaders, because they were the ones knowing their need and believing that He was it. The thick, dark blindness of their lives was the very context of their sight restoration, while the religious never recognized the scales and so thought they were all along in the light. So here is Saul, student (expert) in the law, beginning his ministry with blindness, and again I wonder why?

Could it be that Saul had to experience physically what was true spiritually? Could it be that he had to learn that his great knowledge, study, and learning was still thick blackness and only made sense wit Christ as the laws fulfillment? Could it be that he had to experience the light of Christ Jesus blinding him in order to recognize that he was a blind man ravaging and destroying the light (if indeed it was possible)? Could it be that this Saul, the true replacement of Judas, had first to learn that light was  gift and not a payment that could be earned by his own competency?

For surely he learned this as he wrote to the Corinthians: all his commendations were nothing, but Christ himself was his only commendation, the only light, the only truth.

So it's interesting to me...it seems to be that the realization of blindness is the only prerequisite for sight.